Frustration sinks in..

Soo much has happened over the past two weeks. I'm back where I began. The only difference: my head feels like scrambled eggs. I spent so long trying trying to just focus on myself, and things were going pretty well... Then *bam* the sky falls, and its back to the beginning of the end. Why cant anything just go as planned? WHY OH WHY can't I be the relaxed and easy going girl that I know I am? I've been on edge for a year now, and I just can't seem to fix it. I feel like a puzzle with one piece missing, and the longer that piece goes unfound the more anxious and uneasy I get. I am taking this frustration out on all aspects of my life. Truthfully most people wouldnt notice this in my daily mannerisims or activities, but its there, and its getting bigger. The worst thing is that the bigger this anxiousness gets the less motivated I am to push myself forward. Here in lies the problem... Moving forward is key. Why is is that with anything else missing I could move forward with ease and advance at a relitivly rapid pace? Without this one thing though, all I can do is sit here and feel like I'm stuck, trapped forever? I never ever put so much value or thought or importance on this before, and yet now, at the point in which I'm supposed to be more developed, I just can't move on? And worse instead of putting myself out there, I act like a tool with a high pitched voice, and nothing of value to speak of to protect myself from the very thing I need. I am scared to get hurt again, scared to show the real me, for fear that the relaxed and easy going me is boaring, when in fact the fake me is just annoying and lacks any type of real substance. ARGH!!!