say "hello" to the gym rat... wave good-bye to my life...

Dammit! I'm just starting to ease into this "crazy" schedule of mine, and again the schedule changes... I used the " " because I thought it was crazy before, and now that I've gotten into the routien it doesnt seem so bad at all.. Now of course that status is about to be flipped back into "crazy", but this time by choice; of course. Everything is really by choice, I could for instance have a 9-5, Monday to Friday job, but it wouldnt get me to where I want to go in the long run. I know enough that the long run is more important. Thus, by choice I pick a job with the experience I need, and the unattractive "no life" hours. I found the loop hole in that though, and I discovered that between 4pm on sat and 4pm on monday, I get a brief glimpse of what my life used to be like. I take full advantage of these hours. I have gone to dinner, I have visited old friends, I have had a "girls" night, I have went to a semi-christmas party and I have went out for a friends birthday party. If I were responsible I would be sleeping or going to the gym for these hours. But if I were responsible I would also go completely crazy, as I often do when I feel that my life is being taken from me. My alarm bells go off when my days blur together and my eyes glaze over with every conversation, and I get an odd flash back from the beginning of Garden State... I hit that point when I started my job. I handled it well. I do not want to hit this point again, at least not since I just recovered from it. I don't have much of a choice though. I am not physically at the stage I need to be to pass my police physical (6 months ago I was more than ready.. lazy lazy me). Yes I can run a marathon, but becasue of my damn small hands and weak arms I cannot squeeze two bars togeter and thus cannot complete the physical component of my test. I am weak, and i need not to be. Not only will I once again become a gym rat, but this time I will do it with the help of a personal trainer. This starts tomorrow. I enter back into my routein of gyma nd work life tomorrow. I am better when I am productive, but I am bad at adding activities to my schedule. I trick myself inorder to overcome this. Like I said before though, it comes down to what is good in the long run.... Simply put, I cant get to my long run without passing this physical in the short run.. Thus, just as I was getting my "life" back I am waiving good bye to it again, all for arms that can squeeze two bars together two times in an obsticle course that can last no more than 2 min and 42 seconds...