Confessions of a Megan

Ok. Its funny how I just wrote that so much can change over the span of four months, because in the last few hours I realized something. The biggest change that has happened to me over the past year is the fact that I analyze myself, and question the intent behind everything I do. Writing that list is the biggest display of how I have changed over the past year. I would never question myself before. While I do think it's important to stop sometimes and assess the path that you are on, and how you are walking it, it's also important to not think about your actions. I just have to let go, and allow myself to be myself.. Seems funny that there is no effort required to get back something that I would do anything to for.. All this effort that I have wasted worriying and trying to get back to what was me. SILLY...

On a side note.. For the second Christmas in a row I wittnessed a car accident. Last year I saw two vehicles collide head on, on my way back to the hotel I was staying at in Disney. It was raining, which highlighted the injuries of those envolved. This was because teh water leaving the passenger side of the vehicle had turned red. As far as I know the parties involved in this accident surivived, but I never heard the end result. That experience will stay with me for a long time for a number of reasons and they are:
1) The sight of injured people did not cause me to become panicked, which ensured taht I will be capable of handeling similar situations in the future effectivly. Basically it reaffirmed that I want to be a police officer.
2) It demonstrated how truly selfish some people can be. There was a lady in the back of the bus taht I was on that became enraged when she discovered that she could not leave the bus while we waited for police to arrive. She quickly informed the bus driver that she would be complaning and that she thought it to be adsurd that we couldnt simply get off the bus and walk back to our hotel. If she had looked out the window a little closer she may have realized how serious the accident actually was. Two people's lives were dramatically altered that day. The driver of the vehicle going the wrong way (who incidently lost his job that day as he was an employee of the resort) and who would feel absolutly terrible for what he had done, as well as teh victim who was hit. From waht I was told she had suffered a number of injuries. The only way the angry lady was affected was in the form of arriving home (at the hotel) an hour late.... Tough bananas!
3) It showed how quickly and randomly something can happen that can alter everything for you. It made me appriciatewhat I had, and also made me sad that it took something as dramatic as that to make me realize this.

Today's accident was a little different. A vehicle with two passengers ( a girl and her bf) skidded and spun completely around before doing another half turn . The vehicle then launched itself onto an island where it took out a full light standard. If this vehicle had gone over the island, and if I had been driving my normal speed in my normal lane, I probably would have been hit. Thank goodness this was not the case. I saw it comming, I saw it all in slow motion. The most interesting thing about this accident wasnt any realization that came from the events. Kelly and I stopped got out and checked the vehicle. A fireman who was off duty arrived and took over, so there wasnt much for me to do in terms of helping out. The image that will stay with me fom this incident is the slow motion image of the events. The car bounced gracefully onto the island as if it were on a trampoline. The light standard though is the image taht I will truly remember. It stood out. Why? It fell without a sound, and simply tipped off to the side, flickering as it went down before it hit the ground where it came to rest. It was pretty. Kind of like the garbage bag that the boy films in American Beauty, or the famous linguist in D. Darko who says that "cellar door" is the most beautiful word in the entire english language. ITs something that you would never expect to be pretty at a moment where pretty is almost unacceptable, and yet, if Im being honest, it was. Everyone involved in that accident was ok. The female (who was driving) probably had some for of concussion as she had hit her head on teh wheel. THe bf who was the passenger was on the phone to the police when we approached the vehicle. They will be fine, which in the end is all that matters.