The extinction of tough bananas....

I have a lot in my head right now. Big surprise I know. The content of my thoughts is slightly different from my earlier posts. You can let out the sigh of relief right now. I'm cyclical apparently, so if for whatever reason you loved my constant posts of uncertainty, and desire for things that I cannot have, expect new posts this fall. Until then it's random and out of no where comments (which hopefully will be a little shorter winded). Today I would like to talk about the phrases that are lost with age. These words (though sometimes on my endangerd phrase list) always bring a smile to my face and a warm memory of simple things. I am sure I am not alone on this. Why then do people disgard these words without the slightest of thought? Maybe it is because they arnt gramatically correct, or are labled as inapropriate for adult use. I always thought that as you grew up, things that were deamed as "inappropriate" or "off limits" would become fewer and fewer... Bring on the fun!! Unfortunatly this was one of the many misguided illusions that youth pounds in to our brains. Maybe it's so that the transition from words such as "that's sick-a-tating" to "That is unappealing" will be an easier one. In other words if you don't notice what you're losing, you won't miss. Sure tossing out certain things as you grow up are necessary, like wearing diapers and (I don't know) sucking your thumb, but other things (especially words) should be kept if they're keepers. So what then are some of the "good" words and prases that we toss out without even noticing, but bring back more hapiness than a bacon and cheese sandwich in the morning? *I can't remember* most of them, proving my point. Here are some words that I use when speaking that I would deem as not typical of being a 24 year old.... "You're toast" "sick-a-tating" "bestest" "hello jello" " "tough bananas" "smart cookie". I wish I could remember more. Please please plese remind me of other phrases...

The Spring Summer edition of Megan's To Do List

I snuck on to my sister's laptop. I am dead if she finds out. For whatever reason, I like the "sneakiness" of this so-not-allowed special operation. My computer is right upstairs, and is free for the using, but nope, I'm going to use the computer that is off limits. It's more fun that way. I've been enjoying myself profusely recently. Spring has come, and with the warmer weather and promises of thudner storms, I feel like everything is O.K.. I'm back to doing the things that I enjoy, and not questioning myself for doing them. If I want to bake cookies in my P.J.'s and go out for nachos with my siblings, then by gosh I'm gonna do it. I have also come up with some things to put on my "spring/summer of 06 To Do List" So here is the begninning of the list:

Spring/Summer To Do List '06
I want to play in the forrest and climb trees like I used to (not so long ago),
I want to go to the drive-in with my brother and sister like I do every year.
Become a constant attendee at the Jays games (so far I'm going to 3 games in April)
Go on a trail ride
Go to Wassaga
Take friends up to the cottage
Go to the Calgary Stampeed
Go to the Canada Day Country Jam (even if the only accompanyment that I can find is a dog)
Play golf, tennis and water ski as much as time will allow
Fly a kite
Draw on the sidewalk
Go for slushies with my brother
Go on a random road trip (without knowing where Im going till I get there
Go to the Tragically Hip concert
Run another marathon
Go to Canada's Wonderland
Have a dinner on the patio in Toronto (Summerlicious)
Go fishing near the lighthouse (fishing without the intent of catching any fish)

These things probably seem boaring and simple, but they're what I enjoy or used to enjoy. I would love to do something completley random and different, but nothing has really popped intomy head. If anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them. I actually came up with the idea of writing things down while dreaming of climbing trees while on a run.

Showering is something that most people do. I say most, because I am sure that there is at least one person living on some remote island with no form of running water, and who therefore cannot shower. For those remote few, this blog will make no sence. For everyone else, here is some useful post shower advice. Every person who has showers (or baths YICK!) has a process following their shower. This process for me is followed very strictly without thought or considderation. I don't need any thought or considderation, as my process has been perfected simply by necessity. Simply put, living in Canada where the winters are oh so cold, has forced me to create (over my 24 years) a flawless system in which the least amount of heat can be lost post shower. In fact, the pre-shower time/effort is the part of your shower routien that will ensure a happy post-shower camper. The first step, and key component of a post shower routien, is actually take before the shower is taken. One must get a towel (it does not have to be large) and place it directly outside the shower (prior to getting in). This may seem like extra effort and wasted time, but I assure you it is not. Your feet will thank you, when they step onto a warm clothlike material, as opposed to the cold, hard tile that usually covers the floors in bathrooms. It's here that I will let you in on the biggest shower secret of all.... It's all about the feet. Feet have the greatest chance at comming in to contact with cold substances when you exit a shower. Feet also release a significant amout of precious heat when given the chance. Simply put, feet have the ability to be your greatest shower enemy (if not treated like athe spoiled little child they are). The other key step to staying warm is also taken prior to getting into the shower. One must place a pair of socks within reach of the towel/area upon which your feet will warmly stand. Putting socks on first is a must. This again prevents heat from exiting your body at a fast pace. And finally, the last, piece of advice I can offer in relation to showers is in regards to the time in which you choose to embark on such an adventure. While morning showers will most certainly leave you wide awake, and alert, they also often cause a number of not-so-enjoyable side effects. Morning showers can sometimes casue some or all of the following: constant and uncontrollable shaking (almost seizure like in extreme cases), short sharp zinning sensations (not pleasant) that run through your body when the water first comes in contact with your skin (this feeling will last for up to 30 seconds after first getting into the shower, and can also happen post shower if per-shower percautions were not taken). In additon, the "deer caught in the headlight" syndrom can also happen durring early morning showers. The deer caught in the headlight syndrom is usually identifiable by tensing muscles and bulging eyes. Evening showers (which take place when the house is at its warmest) are therefor advisable, provided that extenuating circumstances which require a morning shower (and the risk of the associated side effects) do not exist.

This is my green tea (I hate tea, but I LOVED this). I got it at Spring Rolls in Toronto before going to the concert. I felt that I should get a drink to go along with the meal, as opposed to my normal glass of coke... Plus I loved the cute mugs (as pictured) that everyone else seemed to have, and wanted to have a cute tea bag (filled with snowflake-like rice and other pretty looking things) of my own. I got the tea, and it did not dissapoint! In fact, In two short weeks I will be going to Spring Rolls with my family for my birthday dinner... I got the coolest dinner too.. Lettus wraps, which you get to wrap yourself .. Tonz of fun let me tell you, even with the healthy connotation that the title brings along with it!! 

I had a pic with L in it.. And I would rather post that one, but I cant seem to flip it... In other words, you would have to tilt your head to the right to view it... And who is gonna do that?? SO instead, its just me in an oversized jacket in the ice lounge... that took two attempts to get into... 

L and I went to the Oasis concert with L's friend J... He was definilty a good additon to the concert as he had us all on our feet, jumping and singing along. It was deifnilty nice to be around people who enjoyed the concert so much, as it made it ten times more enjoyable for myself as well.. I was up there on my seat jumping and singing as well.. And it usually takes some alcohol to bring that side out of me.. This time all it took was one crazy friend.. ha ha 

Do you feel like a puzzle? You can't find your missing piece?

First of all I would like to point out that.. YES I know the lyrics in my title are to a Coldplay song and not an Oasis song. and.. NO I don't care that they do not follow along with the mini Oasis rant I am about to embark on. In fact, they go along with the point I am trying to make... So here's the point/rant.

Right before I went to the Oasis concert, I did what any typical, normal person on this planet does prior going to a concert... I told everyone around me where I was going with a hint of exitment in my voice. This excitment was met with the usual confirmation of excitment in ways such as "that's amazing, you're one lucky girl" but what also followed astounded me a little. People (and Id say 8/10) got this puzzled look on their face and then stated "but who is Oasis?". Now I understand that not everyone is musically enclined, and yes Oasis is not plastered all over the radio like they were when I was in grade 9, but I thought the majority of people at least knew the name... At the very least, knew songs like Wonderwall and Chapaigne Supernova. I mean I don't even LOVE the band really, I just thought they would be good live (which they were). I KNOW who they are though. That puts me above the 8/10 people in regards to Oasis I guess. I would also like to point out that the majority of people who were forced to confim my excitement and had to see me pre-concert were in their late 20's to early 60's... This isnt really a rant about people not likeing Oasis, becasue I really couldn't care less, I don't even like them that much (minus the main Wonderwall, Chapagne Supernova and Don't Look Back in Anger" which I quite like) I dont even know many songs by them. What I do like about them, is that their music reminds me of sitting on a bus in England with a bunch of kids, being carted of to a private school, who all began to sing and sway their arms when ANY Oasis song was even mentioned. THEY will definitly always know what band Oasis is. Maybe it's a generation gap, or maybe it's simply my generation who were the lucky ones to "know" Oasis. There are a lot of people out there, I know this because ACC was filled..

On the topic of generation gaps... Post Oasis, L and I went out for drinks... Much against my will (though I hid this lack of desire). To me, going out for dinner followed by a concert was enough to fill one night, no extra events were needed. I tried to get out of it with the typical line of "well I don't really want to go, but I'll go if you want to. But just one drink". I knew full well that it would never be one drink. Its never one drink. So off we went for "one (meaning multiple) drink" to C-Lounge. The one good thing about this trip is it gave me the chance to check out an ice bar that my mom had told me about earlier on in the season. An ice bar that I wanted to go into, try on the fuzzy jackets they provide you with, take a few pictures, laugh a few times, etc... That was fun. But I also had to endure the typical club scene in Toronto, with people telling pointless stories, and professing their love for lulu lemon, Juicy Coutiour (I cant even spell it) and boys. I DONT CARE!!!! I DONT OWN A SINGLE PIECE OF THAT KIND OF CLOTHING, I HAVE NO INTREST IN LIVING IN A FANCY APPARTMENT IN TORONTO AND I DONT CARE WHO SLEPT WITH WHO!!!! I find talking in this manner just makes me feel fake, insecure and self concious. Surrounding myself with these types of conversations brings me into a world I want no part in. SURE these are probably good people, and theyre just having their idea of a fun night out. PROBLEM: Its not a fun night for me. Sure I nod my head and laugh (and yes sometimes the stories and jokes are funny) but not enough to keep the desire to stay there present. I HATE that every outing with L ends at a bar or going out for drinks. For the record shes not like that, shes deifnilty not hooked on alcohol, and she has more to her than silly little conversations. But she likes this scene, and I do not. I fear we are embarking on different paths her and I, and there's not much I can do about it. Anyways the generation gap: MY SPACE. It came up in conversation (the one conversation that I actually enjoyed and found to be quite interesting) . My generation sees My Space like adults and old people see MSN. I have lived through Napster, and ICQ and MSN, and enjoyed all for the different services that they offer... Who wouldn't enjoy free music and the chance to chat with friends basically 24 hours a day??? My Space however, seems like such a hassle and such a waste of time and effort. For all of you My Space "lovers" out there, I am sure I am just ignorant to it's many fab uses. I know that it allows you to make some form of a web page in which you can blogand post pictures and links. I know that My Space also allows you to add friends, and find friends. It also allows these long lost friends to post comments and contact you. And the best feature of all, it allows you to "Browse" or snoop through other people's friends and contacts, ie. stalk with permission. I say stalk as lightly as I can, as I am just as curious about other people as the next person. I can say for sure that I would be checking out my friend's spaces and would look at various parts of their site with no real reason except the desire to find something interesting... It just seems like so much work though, just to accumulate a group of pictures on the right hand of the screen... Maybe if I blogged and wanted people to see it, or maybe if I thought it would actually bring back friends I have lost contact with along the way... But from what I've seen, the blogs are too personal for me to share and the pictures are more of friends that people aready know and/or complete strangers and bands (who I guarantee you have not and will not visit the myspace site to which their picture is posted on). SO until I see some real benifit in My Space, it will be to me what Oasis is to the 20 plus year olds... A complete mystery to which I will nod my head, and smile and express my enthusiasm to.. But I wont have a clue what the music/site is really like...

And last but not least.. I am on a Timmy's protest!! for all of you unlucky coffee/cafemocha/hot chocoalte drinkers out there who have lost an unbelieveably rediculous number of times, this is for you!! I think odds wise, its almost impossible to have lost as many times as I have. Bad coffee karma apparently!!! With my night shifts I have purchased an obsenely high number of prize potential bevarages from Timmy's too.. But still no wins.... I think Timmy's should adopt the thought pattern of places like Coffee Time.. where everyone is a winner... I mean they could at least give you a free timbit... I mean who wouldn't love a timbit?? And yes I have purchased 1 timbit before.. Sometimes all you want is a bite, or something with sugar... And from a marketing perspective, most likely youre going to buy something else to go along with it.. So sales would increase, and losses would be minimal, seeing as timbits are around 15-16 cents to buy (even less to make). So yes... This is my little random rant in regards to contest cups at Timmy's and their ability to highlight my bad coffee cup karma! 

This was my fortune cookie from the Chinese food stop we made Post Concert. I actually got 2 fortunes in this cookie.. Both were about virtues... Are the cookies trying to tell me something??? Probably not, but theyre still fun to get.. My friend gave me his, but I convinced him to have a bit of one, as its bad luck to crack them and not eat them (so I have been told). 

A good friend of mine actually invited me to the Ben Lee concert.. I didnt even know it was occuring. It was great to go out with someone who I could just hang out with and enjoy music with.. It's funny too, because in this picture he looks like hes average height (on comparison to me) but in reality he's super tall.. That's him practically sitting.. Anyways, we went listened to the music, chatted with a couple concert goers, had some good super fast Chinese food afterwords, got an unfortunate parking ticket... and decided that there will be plenty of other concerts allong the way.. On a sad note, neither of us got ticket stubs.. I searched the floor for discarded stubbs with no luck (as did he).. But I did steal a napkin.. So HA! Ive got soemthing to commemorate the event. 

A friend of mine.. Ok a bit more than a friend of mine (in the past... A #2) always tried to get me to sing in the car with him.. For the life of me I wanted to sing along, (and I did for maybe two lines of a song or two), but I just couldnt bring myself to sing out loud. Sure I sing all the time in the car when Im by myself, and on occation with my sister or kelly... But not with him... Now all I want to do is go back in time and sing with him, because that is me... I love to be goofy in the car and sing along to silly songs.. But I have trouble letting that side show, as that's all Ive got.. I try now to sing randomly in the car... Its quite fun... And extra fun to the Backstreet boys (no Im not a fan). Everyone knows the lyrics, and everyone can bond over how silly it is, when a group like that is on the radio.. As a result I urge all of you to keep a cd with the BSB on it in your car at all times... Just in case you ever need to relieve tension in the car, or feel like changing things up... It can be your Emergency Release CD... It will work wonders I 100% guarentee it! 

I worked on St.Patty's day. Between you and I (and Im trying not to sound like a bah-humbug old person who cant have any fun) St. Patty's day is over rated. Standing outside in lines only to go inside a bar that is too full and drink just to drink.. For some reasong though I felt compelled to do something. It was almost as if I didn't do something I would officially considder myself "no fun". One of my friends came out with me for "just one drink" which we followed. I wish for the life of me taht I liked beer, simply becasue I LOVE the idea of drinking a green beer on a day of green. Something that isnt normally green. In the end, I got to hear some live Irish music, and have a good little chat (no waiting in a line). I'm glad I went out, and for this year St.Patty's day wasnt over rated, it was just nice... Nice to be out, nice to have fun, nice not to feel like Im a no fun old fuddy duddy...  

I thought I would include a picture of me in a skirt... Simply becasue it's a pretty rare event.. Not that its amazing like seeing a commet or something, but its definitly not the norm.. I have to admit too, I kinda liked the skirt... but thats just a little secret... 

Did yet another Nashville night.. Definitly cant have enough of them... We got our first shot boots, watched one tree hill at 3am, and ate french toast for breakfast.. Always good times with these girls. 

Trip #2 to London to visit S... Trip #1 of the year... It was a good time, we laughed about 30 calorie cereal bars, and mini sprite cans, I had some bad street meet, and my first digital camera met its premature end..  

I didn't realize how long it had been since I posted a picture. If you're like me, you probably skim the writing and focus on the pictures... They are the best part of blogs.. So Im going to put up a bit of a picture binge, as I have continued my picture taking fest... To start things off, another one of my random and slightly odd obsessions... candy apples in the form of random (sometimes scarry) animals... In this one there is a beaver whom I gave to L, and a bunny which I gave to my mother.. I have yet to eat one of these myself.. I dont think I ever will simply because the thought of eating a candy apple animal is disturbing to me.. Dont ask why because I have no answer for you. 

Please no telephones and bumblebees!!

Running used to be my escape. Lately I have wandered from running for a number of reasons including the weather. Another reason I haven't run recently is because my gym says that cardio will work against the strength training I am doing. They HATE cardio, so much so that they spell it wiht a "K" and claim that they don't even know how to spell it. This is bad for two reasons:

1) Is the ever so obvious use of the words "my gym says". It sounds like some crazy religion or cult has taken over my method of thinking.. Something that I hope never ever happens to me. If it does, I would hope people would drag me out of my bed while Im sleeping and throw me into a lake of freezing cold water while dangeling scarry things (like telephones, and bubmlebees) above my head until i snapped out of it. My gym has influenced me a bit, in the sence that I do TRY to eat a bit healthier (ie, no coke, ice cream and bacon sandwiches every day for breakfast). I occationally eat dare I say, salade and brocolie and tuna... But dont worry I still maintain my 4 pack of minieggs a day habit.. So all unhealthy parts of me are not lost.. I dont think I would be happy without some unhealthy habits. .. But I think its unhealhy too to start all sentences with "my gym" and to become so health concious that you will not endulge on occation.. I will never be this way... Well getting in shape is a priority for me right now, it doesnt ahve to be a new mind movement. I respect the gym, and I know that those guys know what they are doing. Essentailly they are right. Running does work against strength training, and it is not the best way to lose weight. This brings me to point 2...

2) Running for me keeps me in shape. I get out of shape and also *sometimes* ( as in this winter) gain weight. This happens to me because I have soo many thoughts in my head that I tend to sit around and think about them, and drain them out with an abundance of food. I ate a whole box of special "K" cerial in one day (and that was me trying to be healthy) I dgo through countless boxes of chocolates, cookies (especially those yummy girl guids cookies... which by the way taste great if put in the freezer!) Simply put, running gives me a chance to rid my mind of these thoughts and stress, and takes up the time that would otherwise be spent sitting in my room eating and listening to music. I don't care so much about the weight thing, if Im happy and fat, then so be it.. But no bag of cookies can ever solve stress problems... Running can. At least for me, running can. And so, while running may not solve the conventional weight problem and may be anti-strength traning for most people, it does teh opposite for me. I am not most people. It gets me off my ass, stops me from binging on oh so great foods, and frees me of stress. I think most logically when I run, and a great deal of my problems have been solved, or discarded by simply running around in circles. It may sound crazy, but it works. Plus it is productive, and can be turned into accomplishments ( like the marathon I ran). I wil run another marathon, hopefully in May. It isnt as soon as I would like, but it gives me time (in nicer weather) to get ready and train.. Which I need to do, as I have not been running recently.

On a side note, I just got invited to the Ben Lee concert on Sat. Soooo lucky am I. I cannot wait to go to this concert. I was quite happy (and set) to have a Sat of sitting around with the fam watching tv and doin not much at all.. Just about the only thing that could have broken those oh so exciting plans, was the proposition of an event of this kind. So I guess my next week is a musical adventure, as I am also going to see Oasis. I am happy to see Oasis, and I am sure they will be great. But Im not excited. I like them, I dont love them, and $80 for any band (with the exception of a small few) seems a little extreme to me. Mind you I would spend it on a country concert within 2 seconds .. So figgure that one out. My friend L is super excited though to see them, and so I am excited for her. i havent seen her very much recently, and I feel badly, because I havent been the greatest friend. I didnt do anything wrong, just havent been around to get into touch with. I find Im finally falling into place, and rediscovering what I like... And it's the simple stuff.. Hanging out at home, baking, watching movies, mini putting, going to the drive in with my family. I LIKE being a nerd. Its who I am. I just can't live the crazy bar every night life, without questioning myself. Without feelign like I have to re-think who I am.. When Im home and going to bon fires, and Ben Lee concerts and Car shows and baseball games, I never question myself, and always have a good time. L and I are sooo diferent. I like her and I want to be the greatest friend to her that she desserves. I have to kinda figgure out how to have her in my life without changing my stuff.. She does like to hang out and do some of the stuff I do, andmaybe its time I try to do more of that stuff when we hang out. Oasis is a good start. So for that I am excited for oasis.

Please no telephones and bumblebees!!

Running used to be my escape. Lately I have wandered from running for a number of reasons including the weather. Another reason I haven't run recently is because my gym says that cardio will work against the strength training I am doing. They HATE cardio, so much so that they spell it wiht a "K" and claim that they don't even know how to spell it. This is bad for two reasons:

1) Is the ever so obvious use of the words "my gym says". It sounds like some crazy religion or cult has taken over my method of thinking.. Something that I hope never ever happens to me. If it does, I would hope people would drag me out of my bed while Im sleeping and throw me into a lake of freezing cold water while dangeling scarry things (like telephones, and bubmlebees) above my head until i snapped out of it. My gym has influenced me a bit, in the sence that I do TRY to eat a bit healthier (ie, no coke, ice cream and bacon sandwiches every day for breakfast). I occationally eat dare I say, salade and brocolie and tuna... But dont worry I still maintain my 4 pack of minieggs a day habit.. So all unhealthy parts of me are not lost.. I dont think I would be happy without some unhealthy habits. .. But I think its unhealhy too to start all sentences with "my gym" and to become so health concious that you will not endulge on occation.. I will never be this way... Well getting in shape is a priority for me right now, it doesnt ahve to be a new mind movement. I respect the gym, and I know that those guys know what they are doing. Essentailly they are right. Running does work against strength training, and it is not the best way to lose weight. This brings me to point 2...

2) Running for me keeps me in shape. I get out of shape and also *sometimes* ( as in this winter) gain weight. This happens to me because I have soo many thoughts in my head that I tend to sit around and think about them, and drain them out with an abundance of food. I ate a whole box of special "K" cerial in one day (and that was me trying to be healthy) I dgo through countless boxes of chocolates, cookies (especially those yummy girl guids cookies... which by the way taste great if put in the freezer!) Simply put, running gives me a chance to rid my mind of these thoughts and stress, and takes up the time that would otherwise be spent sitting in my room eating and listening to music. I don't care so much about the weight thing, if Im happy and fat, then so be it.. But no bag of cookies can ever solve stress problems... Running can. At least for me, running can. And so, while running may not solve the conventional weight problem and may be anti-strength traning for most people, it does teh opposite for me. I am not most people. It gets me off my ass, stops me from binging on oh so great foods, and frees me of stress. I think most logically when I run, and a great deal of my problems have been solved, or discarded by simply running around in circles. It may sound crazy, but it works. Plus it is productive, and can be turned into accomplishments ( like the marathon I ran). I wil run another marathon, hopefully in May. It isnt as soon as I would like, but it gives me time (in nicer weather) to get ready and train.. Which I need to do, as I have not been running recently.

On a side note, I just got invited to the Ben Lee concert on Sat. Soooo lucky am I. I cannot wait to go to this concert. I was quite happy (and set) to have a Sat of sitting around with the fam watching tv and doin not much at all.. Just about the only thing that could have broken those oh so exciting plans, was the proposition of an event of this kind. So I guess my next week is a musical adventure, as I am also going to see Oasis. I am happy to see Oasis, and I am sure they will be great. But Im not excited. I like them, I dont love them, and $80 for any band (with the exception of a small few) seems a little extreme to me. Mind you I would spend it on a country concert within 2 seconds .. So figgure that one out. My friend L is super excited though to see them, and so I am excited for her. i havent seen her very much recently, and I feel badly, because I havent been the greatest friend. I didnt do anything wrong, just havent been around to get into touch with. I find Im finally falling into place, and rediscovering what I like... And it's the simple stuff.. Hanging out at home, baking, watching movies, mini putting, going to the drive in with my family. I LIKE being a nerd. Its who I am. I just can't live the crazy bar every night life, without questioning myself. Without feelign like I have to re-think who I am.. When Im home and going to bon fires, and Ben Lee concerts and Car shows and baseball games, I never question myself, and always have a good time. L and I are sooo diferent. I like her and I want to be the greatest friend to her that she desserves. I have to kinda figgure out how to have her in my life without changing my stuff.. She does like to hang out and do some of the stuff I do, andmaybe its time I try to do more of that stuff when we hang out. Oasis is a good start. So for that I am excited for oasis.

Running used to be my escape. Lately I have wandered from running for a number of reasons including the weather. Another reason I haven't run recently is because my gym says that cardio will work against the strength training I am doing. They HATE cardio, so much so that they spell it wiht a "K" and claim that they don't even know how to spell it. This is bad for two reasons:

1) Is the ever so obvious use of the words "my gym says". It sounds like some crazy religion or cult has taken over my method of thinking.. Something that I hope never ever happens to me. If it does, I would hope people would drag me out of my bed while Im sleeping and throw me into a lake of freezing cold water while dangeling scarry things (like telephones, and bubmlebees) above my head until i snapped out of it. My gym has influenced me a bit, in the sence that I do TRY to eat a bit healthier (ie, no coke, ice cream and bacon sandwiches every day for breakfast). I occationally eat dare I say, salade and brocolie and tuna... But dont worry I still maintain my 4 pack of minieggs a day habit.. So all unhealthy parts of me are not lost.. I dont think I would be happy without some unhealthy habits. .. But I think its unhealhy too to start all sentences with "my gym" and to become so health concious that you will not endulge on occation.. I will never be this way... Well getting in shape is a priority for me right now, it doesnt ahve to be a new mind movement. I respect the gym, and I know that those guys know what they are doing. Essentailly they are right. Running does work against strength training, and it is not the best way to lose weight. This brings me to point 2...

2) Running for me keeps me in shape. I get out of shape and also *sometimes* ( as in this winter) gain weight. This happens to me because I have soo many thoughts in my head that I tend to sit around and think about them, and drain them out with an abundance of food. I ate a whole box of special "K" cerial in one day (and that was me trying to be healthy) I dgo through countless boxes of chocolates, cookies (especially those yummy girl guids cookies... which by the way taste great if put in the freezer!) Simply put, running gives me a chance to rid my mind of these thoughts and stress, and takes up the time that would otherwise be spent sitting in my room eating and listening to music. I don't care so much about the weight thing, if Im happy and fat, then so be it.. But no bag of cookies can ever solve stress problems... Running can. At least for me, running can. And so, while running may not solve the conventional weight problem and may be anti-strength traning for most people, it does teh opposite for me. I am not most people. It gets me off my ass, stops me from binging on oh so great foods, and frees me of stress. I think most logically when I run, and a great deal of my problems have been solved, or discarded by simply running around in circles. It may sound crazy, but it works. Plus it is productive, and can be turned into accomplishments ( like the marathon I ran). I wil run another marathon, hopefully in May. It isnt as soon as I would like, but it gives me time (in nicer weather) to get ready and train.. Which I need to do, as I have not been running recently.

On a side note, I just got invited to the Ben Lee concert on Sat. Soooo lucky am I. I cannot wait to go to this concert. I was quite happy (and set) to have a Sat of sitting around with the fam watching tv and doin not much at all.. Just about the only thing that could have broken those oh so exciting plans, was the proposition of an event of this kind. So I guess my next week is a musical adventure, as I am also going to see Oasis. I am happy to see Oasis, and I am sure they will be great. But Im not excited. I like them, I dont love them, and $80 for any band (with the exception of a small few) seems a little extreme to me. Mind you I would spend it on a country concert within 2 seconds .. So figgure that one out. My friend L is super excited though to see them, and so I am excited for her. i havent seen her very much recently, and I feel badly, because I havent been the greatest friend. I didnt do anything wrong, just havent been around to get into touch with. I find Im finally falling into place, and rediscovering what I like... And it's the simple stuff.. Hanging out at home, baking, watching movies, mini putting, going to the drive in with my family. I LIKE being a nerd. Its who I am. I just can't live the crazy bar every night life, without questioning myself. Without feelign like I have to re-think who I am.. When Im home and going to bon fires, and Ben Lee concerts and Car shows and baseball games, I never question myself, and always have a good time. L and I are sooo diferent. I like her and I want to be the greatest friend to her that she desserves. I have to kinda figgure out how to have her in my life without changing my stuff.. She does like to hang out and do some of the stuff I do, andmaybe its time I try to do more of that stuff when we hang out. Oasis is a good start. So for that I am excited for oasis.

the colour tope in a black and white world...

I went to see Failure to Launch. I had great expectations. A movie with Carrie, and Matthew Mchoweveryouspellhisname, and Terry Bradshaw is surely going to be nothing but the best most funny creation ever. Thoughts of the movie ending, and me sitting back in my oh so comfortable movie seat, while feeling that warm, secure and content feeling, envaded my mind before I even set footin the theater. I wanted, what I always want from a movie, to feel a connection with the characers. I also wanted to be reassured (by some manipulated and cinnamatically engineered story) that everything will be ok in the future.. After all there is always a happy ending, or at least an ending that fits the story. People don't always have to end up happy or toghether for the ending to seem right. It just has to fit. It is that fit, that is the reassurance that movies like this usually offer. Instead however, I just found t he movie predicatable, and not so funny.. The small funny moments, seemed super funny simply because not much was funny to begin with. It would kind of be like if you borught tope or beige into a world with no colour. Sure tope isnt the greatest or most colourful colour next to, say hot pink. Next to black and white it would, however, seem like the greatest colour creation ever! Thats what the humor was like in the movie.. Tope in a world of black and white.

On a side note, my sister and I got the kiddie combo. The most non-economical choice you could make.. I mean why get two large popcorns (that are both refillable by the way) and two medium cokes, when you can get two super small popcorns, a kool-aid drink in a thimble and a kinder egg surprise?? Obviously the kiddie combo is the greatest choice ever, if only for the collector pail and cup that come with them... That for the record my mom is going to scold me for bringing home, and most likely throw out.. It was, I have to admit, fun to buy the kids combo, that I used to always bug my parents for. Yes I was actually happy to get the pail. If this pail should happen to find its way to the garbage, I will most likely attempt to rescue it (and wash it). So Im left with the big decision next time I attend the movies.. Do I begin a collection of rediculously priced plastic pails or do I do the economically smart move and opt for boaring yet refillable popcorn and pop? I say I do whats fun... I never used to buy anything at the movies... SO I guess tecnically both options are economically worse than my prior self's choice...

I have a couple days off ahead of me (yay! new schedule!!) and in that time I will allow a huge friend from my past (at least one step) back into my life, I will get my picutre taken for my new volunteer possiotion and in doing so hand away 8 hours more of my free time. I will see a current friend and do something that is new to us and old to me, and I will go to the gym... Things are in motion, and all I had to do to get them to do that was sit still..

Sometimes you just simply have to pick up the phone, only to hang it up. People spend way too much time trying to avoide saying what they are truly saying/thinking in an attempt to 1) make things easier on themselves and b) be nice. Sometimes the cold hard, and oh yes painful truth just has to be said. Why do we all (myself included) spend so much time and effort trying to avoid uncomfortable sitautions by dragging them on.. In the end if you arnt being honnest (and yes this includes ommtion of thoughts and feelings) then you're just making things ten times more complicated for everyone, yourself included. Yes you may come out looking like the nice one, and yes you probably will be able to say to your friends "oh gosh why don't they just figgure things out?" but YOU are the one causing it. Wouldn't it be better if you could save some form of common ground, in which no one came accross as "crazy" or "misguided" even if you did have to feel uncomfortable and like a jerk for a short time? I'm not above this. There have been times where people have called or sent me a msg where I have wanted to pull my hair out becuase they wouldnt leave me alone. It's just easier to say "call me tomorrow" as oppsoed to "you know what? I am just not that interested right now". Yes the second option sounds a lot meaner, but in the long run, if you said that straight out you'd probably run a lot better chances at being able to comfortably say "hi" when you ran into them at a public place over Christmas break. AND they wouldnt have to feel like a crazy person or like they did something wrong JUST because they took your words for 100% face value and, dare I say believed you. It just baffles me that I know all of this, and that I have been on both sides of it, and felt like total shit, and still I opt for treating others in exactly the same manner that made me feel like crap (and question myself) for a whole winter.... You think eventually at some point the cycle would change.... I hope my cycle does change. People can treat me like crap, and can make me fell like I did something wrong and analyze my actions all just so they feel liek they arnt a jerk... I will change this... Or at least I will force myself to be the one to absorb the uneasyness and say "hi" to them when I see them out at public functions... They are, after all, my actions (or lack of honesty and therefor action) that created these feelings of uneasyness in the first place.

So (even though I was not the one to create the uneasyness) and in stead was the one to feel badly and question my actions.... HELLO A#2. I had a fun summmer, and thats all it was. I know this now.. I just wish that there would be the potential for a HELLO in the future... just a hello..

A post thought and some advice...

I ment to type this last night, as a pre-thought before I went out (not Out as in date) with J. Now it is going to be a post thought, plus an assignment.

Post thought:
I wish I liked J. To revise that statement, I wish I had wished last night was a date (but I didn't and still don't). Why is is that there can be someone totally great, who will inspire you to do new and fun things, and evoke interesting (as opposed to repetitive) conversations; who for whatever reason just doesnt cause those butterflys to happen? I sit here, and keep going on and on about all sorts of things, and yet right in front of my nose is this great person, and as hard as I wish, I just cant make those feelings happen. I did get this one second look that could be mistaken for eitehr a moment of complete insanity and uncertanty, or the hint of some form of feeling. It was just a second though, and it left quicker then it came. I know I'm not being fair to J too. I have told him that I can't see us ever dating (he asked, I explained). Maybe I'm getting what I want and I just cant see it... A guy friend 100% with whom I can hang out and do great things, and there are no expectations. Maybe I am just imagining these expectations (they did used to be there because it was brought up) now. I am going to stop feeling guilty and just enjoy his company, without feeling like there either has to be something more or nothing at all. I like having guy friends and constantly complain that people have way too many pre set expectations and requirements when guys and girls are simply just friends. Last night was fun too. J made me dinner (which was really really good). It was fish and this wild rice, with apple pie for dessert! YUM! I always luck out at his house. I got a full out football feast another time (read: nachos with that totally disgusting but toatlly amazing cheeze that you heat up in the micro, cookies, a ceasar to drink fully equiped with a celery stick, and a whole bunch of other good food). And my favourite meal of all at his house: a bowl of cereal after an early morning run we went on. It was great because it was simple. We sat around and watched early morning tv, and ate tonz of cereal together (no I did not drink the milk in the bowl Yick!). Anywas, afterwords we went shopping, he got a t-shirt and I got a whole bunch of stuff. I broke my bank account in less the 2 hours. Well I spent $192. WHich for me is a hard amout of money to part with (especially over clothes) when Im trying to save... Gotta get back to stashing all my cash away! The worst part was trying on the clothes, because as soon as I got into the change room I had to go to the bathroom oh so badly. If you are skilled enough to try on jeans/skirts while having to go to the bathroom sevearly badly, I salute you! J tried on a bunch of clothes as well.. Then we went home, and he invited me in to watch some tv. At first I said "yes" but after the 20 minute ride home of thinking about it, I decided to just go home. And that was my night of shopping/dinner with J.

And now for the assignment: Write yourself advice at an earlier age... My age would be my 22/23 year (years for me are still in school year format so I was both 22 and 23 in that year...
-Save yourself a lot of time and thought and just tell A how you feel, he feels the same way..
-dont worry too much about the future of you and A, concentrate on what you have now, and enjoy it, things wont always stay the same.
- dont let others especially A pressure you into analyzing your every action. You will spend lot of time trying to be the person that you were/are in later years. You like yourself, so if others dont, tough bananas to them!
-coach that kids t-ball team with A. You will always wonder why you didnt, and kick yourself for not doing that.
-speak up for yourself. If you think there is something wrong, say so. People wont change or attempt to solve problems if they dont know the problem exists in the first place. They arnt fortune tellers
-going back to school was a great decision. You are on a good path. Stay there. Put a little more effort into the gym class, it will foil your 4.0 if you dont.
-Start running, you think you hate it, but you dont. You will find it will help you get rid of a lot of stress and confusion.
-Stick with going to the gym, don't put your stuff on hold for someone else.
-Play a sport, you'll miss the sports in later years.
-Hang out with your family more, you'll find you like being with them a whole lot more than you thought. Go to the cottage, go to Boston (this will be an amazing trip for you!) just hang out.
-spend time with Kelly, she will leave for Japan and then Alberta, so you wont see her as much as you would like in the future. Chris will drive you a little crazy, but he wont always... So let her enjoy him, because in the end, you dont mind him.
-Your car will break down and die if you dont keep adding oil!!! This will cause you to have 3 months of hell, which will eventually end up with A putting enormous amounts of pressure on you, and eventually you asing for space, whcih in turn leads to the demise of your relationship with A. ALl over you being too damn lazy to put oil in your car. It is perticuluarly necessary for you to put oil in the car when you go to Matts house/Toronto the day before mothers day! Either don't go, or put oil in the car.
-If the car does die - it is not the end of the world. Dont fell like a child just because you dont have a car - that is childish.
- Your parents don't want you to choose a car that is cheap they want you to pick one that you want (a black Dodge Dakota) it may take a while, and you may want to hurt them, but it will be solved in one random lunch in Swiss Chalet. Until then, survive without a car.. It's not the end of the world like you think it is.
- Ignore your mother's interfearance in your relationships. SHe wont see what she's doing. Getting mad and withdrawing, will not change this.
-If you work hard with your Policing Contest group you will win the contest. Stick with the hard workers in your class, you will grow with them, and become good friends. Its a good choice.
- the big thing though is... Just be yourself, and be content with who you are. Make choices to advance yourslef and not always the easy ones. Life does not revolve around A, adn if he dumps all of his insecurities on you (tell him, or just hand them right back) he will always be special to you and vice versa, but he wont necessairly play the role you hope/think/want him to.

Are you achin'? for some bacon???

Wow. So I havent been on here in ages. I have decided that it is absolutly necessary to rid myself of the habit of using "u" to type "you". It's lazy and immature and just generally annoying. I came to this conclusion while reading an article in the news paper (yes I read it just about every day) about today's youth. This is a habit that has evolved over the years, and thus, I do not envision it as being the easiest habit to rid myself of. I will return to normal words and not just the use of certain letters in the alphabet that just happen to represent sounds that are also words.

Part 2
Last ngiht I went out to Nashville again with 2 of my friends. It was great. I stayed in my pjs as long as I possibly could. And then... We went. We danced. We had a few drinks (mostly just to get the little boot shot glass that you get when you buy a shot from the shot girl). We came home. We ate pepper jack chips, ben and jerries Half Baked ice cream (we were not half baked, that is the type of ice cream). We watched One Tree Hill at 2am. We took silly pictures. We slept, and then had amazing French Toast for breakfast. It could not have been a better (or needed) weekend.
Why then does this make me feel sad? I know every weekend can't be like this. I don't expect every weekend to be like this one. I just want to be able to be simple, to like simple things, to simply be myself. I guess really I want not to feel compelled to complain. I have become a complainer. This is not an attractive quality.. To my credit, I have a bunch of "me" events planned in the near future. I am going to the Jay's opener on April 4th and will be fully decked out in Jays attire (and tattoos if I can find them) . I also have tickets for the Yankee;s game.. They never dissapoint. I am also going to the Oasis concert, and I have tickets to another concert (which Im going to with the brother yay!). I went to the Auto Show with the brother last week, which was tons of fun. We saw a lot of cars and had some really good food. I also rediscovered my love for milkshakes from mcDonnalds.. If you have not had one in a while, HAVE ONE! they will not dissapoint! On the topic of food, I am back up to 4 packs of mini eggs a day. My addiction (that I tried so hard to kill) has returned. Its a love I cannot deny! Thank goodness though that they take them away from circulation after Easter or I would be in big trouble!! I say that like I watch what I eat (or care). I am the most unhealthy eater possible. People laugh at this statement and discount it as a self concious confession. If they only knew. People who have been around me for a full day (or my family) will definilty confirm this claim though. Truthfully, its not something to be proud of. For me though, it's not something that is going to change (temp maybe, but not permanently). THere will be weeks where I will pull up my socks and eat some veggies here and drink some milk there. But in the end its coke and smartie pancakes for breakfast, dessert for dinner and bacon sandwiches for good measure! thsi week will be interesting, as I begin my 7 nights of nights. I will attempt to write a blog near the end of it (actually I will force myself) to document just how loopey I become. For the record I will be fully awake and alert while at work, but at home (when off duty)) that will be another story completely. Hopefully it will make for some itneresting typing at least. Till then....